I should have read Miss Manners sooner...

Ah, Miss Manners, has she ever steered me wrong? :-)

I suppose I feel fortunate that few people have "invited themselves" to our wedding, (and that the location isn't so easy for wedding crashers to "happen" upon), still, I get the feeling I should have memorized (and posted on bill boards!) the phrase "I'm sorry, we're having a small ceremony with family and a few old friends" sooner - it might make one of the irksome aspects of being a bride (dealing with other people's expectations of your wedding) a little easier to handle.

Or I could just blame Frank. :-) First, the parents of a friend of his called his mom and expressed their excitement about our wedding. From then on, I got the distinct message that they'd invited themselves, and so I just sighed and sent them an invitation (I figured I've met them twice, and they are nice people, afterall).

But then I get their rsvp: "Mr. and Mrs. ____, PLUS S_____." Who is S_____? Her name certainly was not conveyed to me before I addressed the invitation, and after practically being raised by a community of etiquette book-toting antique dealers I knew that you ALWAYS specifically address wedding invitations to the individuals you expect to attend.

Additionally, Frank related to me another "innocuous" story: his friend, "L," casually mentioned how her mom would like to attend, and, she supposed that she could just take her mom instead of her boyfriend if we didn't have room. This struck me as odd, considering that Frank only gave me *her* name, and there was no "and guest" on any invitations that went out. Ah!!! Univited guests strike again!!

Besides the space (the reception only holds about 100 people, unless we forced everyone to *stand* for 4 hours), and the money (the reception is usually the biggest bill for weddings), what *really* irks is that these "guests" just sort of invited themselves, or others, without asking. The first two, more practical, aspects could be ignored (when another acquintance of Frank's asked us *personally*, I was more than happy to make room for him and his wife), but the emotional aspect is harder to ignore. It brings up guilt - like somehow I was supposed to know that weddings are "traditionally" open to *everyone* and thus I'm not supposed to care about a few extra guests.

I don't hold it personally against these people, because I know it's all innocuous and everything will work out in the end, but I don't like feeling as if I must uphold other people's ideals/ prejudices/ fears/ expectations at my own wedding.